Friday, December 19, 2014

Break TIME !

Once again, just like expected, Its really getting harder to sit down and write a blog.  Already try to sit down , want to write something, Very-serious-blogging-sessions...Buttttt... 20 minutes later just empty blog in my screen. Fuuuhh..

I found that, the busier I am, the faster days gone. And sometimes I wonder where did the time go ? What did I do today ? How come I became very short memories , I didn't remember many details lately. Goossh... !

Time, can you tick your tock more slowly please?  I just open my eyes in morning and blink my eyes, and its already nite. I still remember how grumpy I am in the monday morning and fuuussshh... its already weekend. So many things to do.. but so little time I have. I always questioning myself, Did I use my time wisely ?

Okay then..Holiday season is coming, really need short gateway holiday, just to relaxing my mind and body. Really wish for relaxing holiday. But the fact, My nanny will take on leave on my holiday time. And Yes I need to take care my babies. (*Faint*). Cross finger ... i have so many helper to help me to take care of the kids, So I can do my household things. (hix..sad). What a great holiday to welcoming new year !

Talk about new year... Im so Proud and Happy with this year achievement. In Spiritual , Business , friends And family. I can feel that GOD so love me that much. God gave me those great achievement that sometimes I'm not dare to asked. I feel so gratitude. Thanks GOD for the amazing year. Hope in the next years, the growing achievement we will get.

I still remember how hard my life goes through, To many bumps on my path , But I still Praise to God. Without it I cant Growth like today.

Thanks universe for the hard lesson.  I will always keep my Faith that God will always stay beside me. Even i feel iam alone, I will always remember that teacher always in silence stay beside me.

My heart feel very calm and warm when read this nice words " when pupil is going through difficulty, and wonder where the teacher is, remember the teacher is always quiet during the test".


Thursday, November 27, 2014

F.A.I.T.H & S.T.R.O.N.G !!

In this blog, I would like to write about my tough and brave friend "MELLISA " who survive with breast cancer.

My heart broken into piece, when She told us about her sickness. I held my tears. Dont want to let her feel my sadness too. I want to cheer her up. It feels horrible to see such a kind and nice person like you get that DAMN sick.

But my surprisingly , she is really very very tough woman. With Big FAITH to God. She is really inspiring me a lot. Her spirit, Her FAITH teach me bout " ACCEPTANCE ".

With her permission ,I would like to share her updated email about her experience and struggle with her sickness and treatments.

She already done her 4th Chemo. And on 25 November she have her 4th chemo. And here is her Email updated she sent to me :

Singapore, 25 November 2014
Please see attached for some pic: kate 's 1st communion, bday boy n girl, 3rd chemo early nov w my bro.

Happy mellisa with her blooming roses and soulmate :)

 I supposed to have my 4th chemo today but change to tomorrow because i had to see several surgeons today, very exhausting.

Next on the list, 3 weeks from now come back do USG on breast n mammogram if mastect or MRI if preserve breast. Or if result show not clear continue with chemo with adryamicin (the drug that my doc try to avoid) me too , Because this one has been proven to cause heart problem later on in age and side affects are more awful.

Aftr seeing 3 surgeons mastect is a must.

Next on list reconstruction, seen 2 docs so far, one said not enough fat on tummy, has to take skin n fat frm back n do implant, another said thats not a good idea n that I have enough fat on tummy. tomorrow after chemo gonna see 1 more for 3rd opinion.

Then theres issue of lymph node, oncologist said in states even if lymph node is positive they dont take out coz new findings said no effect in recurrence or survival whether its taken out or not. And risk of lymphodema does not occur Right away can be a year or 5 or 10 yrs later.

Lymphodema is swollen arm n hand can be permanent, pretty much disable u can see pic on web, not a good sight.

So yes i dont want to have that and would very much wanna keep my lymph nodes but surgeons wanna take those out so i will be clear "er" on those area.

But my oncologist really think she can tame the nodes even if its positive with radiotheraphy and hormone theraphy.

So i still haven't decide on this. Please help to pray for the right and best decision making.

Then there is the issue of leaving home for surgery follow by radiotheraphy. Dont wanna miss x mas n new year w kids but postponing surgery for 6 weeks is not recommended unless i do hormne theraphy 1st. Standard is to do surgery 1st.

Im still working out d logistic n timing.

Chemo if i can explain it is like hand washing ur clothes, aftr d 10th day i feel good great like clothes being pulled up frm d bucket fresh. But 11 days later whn its time for nxt chemo i feel like d clothes being dumped back down into d bucket, squeezed n scrub *lol*

The amazing part is i look good dont u think? Lol

Mommies at school or strangers who dont know ive breast cancer definitely dont know or suspect coz my wig looks great hi hi

People who rarely see me n know little of cancer or of me will think "oh its not so bad, she looks great, better than normal, she can do normal activities"

You still jorjes Mel :) No body will realize you're sick.
Even those who c me everyday probably think its not that bad, which i like in some ways coz i dont like to look weak or hv d pity look but sometimes its irritating because cancer sucks! 

Yes many blessings come with it but i tell u whn u hv to go thru it n live with it, it sucks no way to sugar coat it nor undermine it.

The emotional up n down, d changes in ur body shape, body strength, the feelings, confusion, so many decisions to make, the fear, the whole ordeal is a lot to take on top of that life must still go on. Kids to take care of, household, work n workers to deal with.

I honestly still dont know how im going to change my lifestyle aftr all treatments is done with. 

John said he noticed i sleep better n more hours like 6 instead of 4 hours per nite whn im at d hotel �� but i cant possibly stay at hotel forever right? Hi hi

I told him coz in hotel i dont hear or see kids crying, workers not doing their job or room to clean so no disturbance. At home im like an automated robot, immediate response to sounds in middle if nite n immediate gotta fix something attitude.

Anyway, john continues to b wonderful, he tries really hard to understand me esp w my menopouse mood syndrome too lol. having my parents n brother at home also helps n they ve also been wonderful.

Having all of u praying, emailing, bbm , calling, spending time or visiting me also helps.

Overall, im still extremely grateful for everything n everyone. Even for cancer because i can assure u that eventhough i may seem to b confused, complaining n even weaker in some physical n emotional aspect, i will come out from this stronger n more determined than ever to make sure my life is lived everyday for God's purpose n glory. 

Im trying my best to keep my joy n peace, its not easy but i know that its exactly what the devil want me to loose, in addition to doubting n hating God for this. But i wont because i know God didnt give me this cancer. He wants n is helping me to cope n survive cancer so i can do what i was made to do.

What is it Mel, u ask? Lol i dont know exactly yet too hihi but it prob will not go far from God's 2most important commandment n the fruit of d spirits.

Ok girls, im beat n sleepy, please pray for my 4th chemo, for people near me, for result n for me to make d right n best decision.

 Thank u girls, Gbu

Im so grateful having you as my friend.  My strong friend :) You teach me how to be patient, and live in FAITH.  Even I cant always near beside you, cheer you up and make you calm. But I always be there for you when you needed. I am praying very hard for your healthy, mel. you will be jorjes soon. :) Get well soon Dear.

Inspiring woman in my life ( Ci sekar , me and Mel )

Hope your experience can inspire others people and give others people spirit to be more gratitude with their healthyness. 

With love,

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Tuesday Note

When your kids sick, how worry we are as a parents. Accompany your kids, make sure your kids fine and healthy, 24 hours don't dare to leave them. And how about when your parents sicks ? Will we do that ? take care of them ? will you do that privilage to our parents ?

Im so sad :(

Saturday, November 22, 2014


Did you ever think, Real happiness is when you can accept that life isn't always that happy and yet you still choose to smile and move on. 
And You keep remind your self " when GOD give you big BUMP means GOD trust us can solve big problem "

Hai blog, hope you not feel lonely ya. its been sooo long never write and post anything ini this blog. Feel very guilty :( Untuk menebus rasa bersalah saya, Saya akan berusaha deh untuk menulis lagi. Meluangkan waktu untuk menulis dan mempost dan menshare segala sesuatu yang saya lewatin dan rasakan. 

Sebenarnya sih , kepinginnya di blog ini saya bisa menuliskan tentang semua impian saya, rasa bersyukur saya ( gratitude ) setiap hari.
Meski kelihatannya " to good to be realize " tapi saya akan berusaha dan coba kok. 

Saya pernah baca rangkuman dari satu buku, bahwa apabila setiap hari seseorang selalu bisa mensyukuri apa yang dia dapat kan , hal yang dia syukuri akan di lipat gandakan kebahagiaannya. Misalnya : kita selalu bersyukur bahwa kita gak pernah kekurangan air , makanan dan rezeki, hal yang kita syukuri ini akan semakin hari semakin melimpah , dan kita makin berasa kok hal yang kita syukuri ini semakin gak habis habisnya. Di berikan lebih terus. Gak kekurangan.

Jadi kesimpulannya , setiap orang yang mempunyai rasa syukur itu, akan kembali terefleksikan seperti refleksi kaca yang memantul kembali ke kita, dan biasnya itu memberikan flash yang lebih besar , dan gak jarang juga kebiasaan bersyukur kita ini menular ,  dan bisa memberikan inspirasi lagi bagi orang sekitar. 

So dari gratitude itu , rasa syukur yang terucap lebih jelasnya.. bisa memberikan arti yang besar juga buat orang lain dan buat kita. so kenapa enggak , sebelum tidur luangkan waktu 10 menit aja, mengucapkan syukur untuk segala hal yang kita alami. Tapi kalao suatu hal yang tidak kita rasakan tidak ada chesmistrynya dan terasa greget hanya ucapan semata ..ya jangan di tulis.. artinya kita gak bener2 merasakannya. 

Hari ini saya bersyukur sekali atas Karunia Tuhan , saya selalu bisa diberikan kesempatan untuk belajar,  Hari ini saya di berikan suatu pelajaran yang besar dan berarti yaitu " PENGAMPUNAN ".  Weehh.. Berat ya untuk belajar mengampuni seseorang yang telah membuat kita kecewa, sedih dan marah. Disaat Gejolak emosi, rasa sedih melebur , kita di berikan kesadaran dan pembelajaran bahwa bila kita tidak melewati dan merelakan kesedihan , kekecewaan ini pergi. Hal ini pasti akan terulang ulang dan terulang terus, sampai kita menjadi tumbuh dan menyadari bahwa hal ini harus di lepaskan dan di lewati. Suatu kepasrahan atas kemelekatan kita , di tutupi dengan suatu keajaiban , kerelaan suatu PENGAMPUNAN. di saat itu penderitaan kita sirna , dan semua menjadi bertumbuh menjadi lebih indah. Tidak ada lagi duri-duri kecewa, sedih yang menusuki diri sendiri , melukai dan menyakiti diri sendiri.  and what i learn is We all make mistakes, we learn, we apologize, we change, and we move on with a better understanding. Everybody makes mistakes so it is truly unfair to not give room for other people to make some. No matter how much a person disappoints me, I will always forgive and move on. I have a big heart and I am grateful to GOD  for that.

Saya bersyukur mendapatkan pelajaran bahwa PENGAMPUNAN, bukan lah hanya mengampunin orang lain, tapi mengampuni diri dan menyayangi diri sendiri. KArena PENGAMPUNAN kita tidak lagi membunuh diri sendiri dengan meminum racun dan memelihara duri dalam tubuh kita.

Rasa syukur kedua adalah : Saya melihat anak anak saya tumbuh berkembang menjadi dewasa yang berbobot. Tadi sehabis pulang dari kantor, secepat mungkin saya menukar pakaian saya dan bersiap siap lagi untuk pergi beribadah dan melakukan pelayanan. Saya baru menyadari anak anak saya belom pulang dari tempat bimbel nya, baru saya mau berangkat mereka pulang. Ah ...rasa bersalah masuk kedalam hati, ahh..tidak sempat bermain dan bercerita dengan mereka lagi deh malam ini. Mereka pasti kecewa lagi. Bener juga, anak tengah bertanya  " kemana mom ? Ke vihara ya ? " sambil mengiyakan , saya cium pipinya.  Yang keluar dari mulutnya adalah penyejukan hati " mom, jangan capek capek ya ! di sana pasti sibuk  , mike tungguin mom pulang ya " 
Saya bersyukur mereka mengerti bahwa cinta yang kecil dari dalam rumah ini, harus di sebarkan meluas menjadi cinta yang besar bagi semua orang di luar sana. Saya merasa bersyukur atas hal kecil ini. 

Rasa syukur ketiga adalah : i have great lunch and dinner. great food and great companion. 

Rasa syukur ke empat adalah : Saya di berikan orang begitu baik , dan begitu positive. di perkenalkan dengan jodoh yang baru. Jodoh yang memberikan nilai positive bagi saya, bahwa ya memang selalu ada harapan untuk hal baik.

Rasa syukur ke lima adalah : Bisa beristirahat lebih baik dari kemarin.

Ahh..saya yakin sekali, di saat kita mempunyai pikiran yang sehat , dan pikiran yang sehat itu adalah bisa " MENERIMA ( ACCEPTANCE ) semua kondisi, disitulah kita sudah bertumbuh dan menciptakan kebahagiaan kita sendiri :)

I feel much much more happy :)

Good nite :)

Wednesday, July 17, 2013


Im not the person who loves GLEE serial. But well , the reason I love is because of Finn and Rachel love story. I feel there's some deep chemistry between them, like I DO. Here i attached some of my fave Clip of them. I feel De-Javu in some episode :)

Thursday, April 11, 2013

You come for a reason, a season or a lifetime ??

People come into our life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.
It is usually to meet a need you have expressed.

They have to come to assist you through a difficulty. To provide you with guidance and support. To aid you physically emotionally or spiritually, they may seems like a God send and they are........

They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvinience time.

This person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die,
Sometimes they walk away,
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realiZe is that our need has been met our desire fullfilled.

And their work is DONE.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now its time to move on.

Some people come to your life for a season.

Because you turn has come to share grow or learn.

They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbeliveable amount of joy.

Believe it , its real but only for a season.

And the last person is , people come into your life for a lifetime.

Lifetime relationship teach lifetime lessons.

Things you must build upon in order to have solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson , love the person and use in all other relationship and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thanks for being a part of my life.

Whether your were a reason, a season or a life.


Before and after

Colorful day

Marriage is fighting

soulmate is not found,it is made,keep on fighting to bcome each other's soulmate

Out of blue

Baby Kai turn ONE

Time flies baby Kai turn to little man. Still remember, i still post bout my pregnancy journal. And now he is turn to little boy.

We celebrate his party with all family member and friends. Kai sooo cranky tat day, maybe to crowded.

So far his development very good, he can interactive with us very well, now he start to learn walking and he is our talkative boy. He loveeeee his koko so much. He love to follow his koko, we call him kai the follower. Heehehe

We're sooo grateful with God grace. Who always take care of KAI. We always pray hope Kai always be a good kid, love God and his parents and siblings, keep in healthy and growth to be a smart boy.

We love u baby KAI

Tuesday, January 29, 2013


My boy blast day

On january 5 th was Mike's 6th birthday party! We have been planning his party for weeks. Since he is currently Ninja go obsessed, of course he wanted Ninja go cake. He was imagining that it was going to be a realistics 3D sculpture of Kai ( red ninja go ) and i ordered to my sis in law. And she made it suppaaaaa coooll. Mike love it sooo much.

I organised a kid’s party for a few of Mike's cousin. I prepared all the birthday favor to make it personalized.

For the dessert table, i ordered cookies and cupcakes of ninja go from my step sis. And i made some swrill lollypop marshmallow, personalized chocho bar and milk.

And the goodie bags, i made mug with personalized designed.

Overall the party was really simple and laid-back. But most importantly, my little guy and his cousins had an absolute blast!

Hope it can inspiring u.

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